This Little Light of Mine

Marley just finished kindergarten today. (Which seems so strange since it was just yesterday that I walked her to her class for the first time.) As of the last time we talked about it she said she was ready for a break ~ but as we pulled out of the parking lot today she fought back tears and said "I'm going to miss school, maybe we could find out where they live (the teachers, I assume) and go visit them."

She has done such an incredible job this year! Most nights I hear her in her room reading herself to sleep. One of her greatest accomplishments this school year has been mastering the monkey bars. She loves for me to remind her that when she started kindergarten she couldn't do them at all, and now she flies across them!! I, however, like to think her greatest accomplishments this year were the following 3 things:

3) When she was named "Student of the Month" in October

2) When she was chosen as a MITS kid (Manners, Integrity, Tolerance, Sincerity) and went to Cracker Barrel w/ the principal for breakfast

1) When Mrs. Shewman, the speach therapist, stopped me in the hall to say "Marley is a gift from God". She explained that she was having a particulary tough year and every time she saw Marley that she had something kind to say to her and it lifted her spirits. She also told me that she would see Marley walking down the hallway in her own little world singing "This Little Light of Mine."

I love her. I pray her little light continues to shine.

Peanut Butter Sandwich

I have been known to cry over things that later don't seem to be nearly as sad as I thought at the moment. For instance, the time I cried in Vogel's donut shop because I didn't have enough money to pay for the donut I wanted (please note that I was pregnant....and it was also made worse when 3 different people offered to pay for it). EMBARRASSING!!

So picture with me this: it's a couple of weeks before Marley gets out of school for the summer. She and I sit down and figure out which days she would like to buy her lunch at school and which days she would like to pack. I then send $ to school with Marley for her lunch account based on the balance sheet they had sent home. Things go smoothly until the final day she is to buy lunch. She stands in line for her plate of spaghetti and mandarin oranges....chooses a milk....and then proceeds to the checkout. (This is where I tear up) She is then told she doesn't have any money in her account and her tray has to be taken from her while someone goes in the back to make her a peanut butter sandwich.

The school has a policy (totally fair) that if a student's lunch account falls in the negative of more than $5 they will be served only a p.b. sandwich. However, during the last 2 weeks of school the accounts can't be negative at all (again, I say, totally fair). But where I messed up was the fact that I got my account balance sheet one day later than I thought and so she was short one days worth of lunch money.

As I started to write this I was thinking, Desirae, this is not as sad as you thought, but I am seriously sitting her crying again.

Marley was so confused. She has her tray..... it has to be taken away....I can just picture the look on her face and it makes me cry. I want to add again that I totally understand that the school needs to do this and I was not upset with them at all. In fact they had even called me to let me know what had happened and they felt horrible. We love Upland Elementary! So I started this entry stating that I have been known to cry over something and later realize that it wasn't all that sad.

I was going to wrap up by saying this was one of those times.....but I guess I can't do that just yet because I'm still crying over a p.b. sandwich!

O Death Where is Thy Sting?

So every time we go to the pet store Heath says we should get the girls some goldfish!! For several years now I have held the same position..."NO WAY!" Even last week as we left a children's event @ Taylor, I managed to drag a kicking and screaming Ella away from the very thoughtful El Ed major who was offering up free goldfish (complete w/ a teeny tiny bowl to live in).

Anyhow, so jump ahead 10 days to a fishing theme birthday party the girls were invited to. First of all, I don't fish. I don't like worms and I don't like to touch fish. I felt like I was already labeled "the mom who had never taken her girls fishing"..."the mom who had to ask someone else to bait (and cast) the fishing poles" ...."the mom who whips out the sanitizing wipes before her girls could eat cake"....so by darned I wasn't going to be "the mom who said 'I know you won the 3 goldfish in a game, but we can't take them home.'" The girls were so proud. When we got home they ran to show Heath the baggie of fish while I went inside to search for something to put them in (perfect!! a potato chip bowl).

Well the 1st one died the next day. I hoped the girls wouldn't notice we were one short, but no such luck. Today (4 days later) I am standing at my bathroom mirror and Ella comes up behind me and in a sad voice says "Mama, the nother fishy died", I turned around to console her and noticed she was holding the thing by the tail, pinched between her thumb and first finger. I squealed. This startled her, so she screamed and started to cry. I then squealed again because I was afraid she would drop it and I would be forced to pick it up. I managed to pull myself together to have her drop it in the toilet. She was really sad ~ it was so sweet. We talked briefly about how "to everything there is a season...." and I'm happy to inform that she completed the grieving process.

So now I want to play "angel of mercy" with the lone survivor while the girls are asleep tonight just so this whole thing can be over. In short, I won't say it out loud to Heath, but "I told you so."

Individuality

Ella is obsessed with rocks (and head apparel ~ hats, headbands, you name it!
In this picture she is wearing 3! You can only see the purple one and the pink one around her neck, but she actually has another pink one on top of her head.)!

Anyhow, she was very excited about this particular rock because it has a shell imprint on it. She named it "Shelly". Shelly will most likely find her place next to "Rocko" who is in my bathroom wrapped lovingly in a washcloth after a vigorous bath. Currently we have 4 or 5 rocks randomly placed throughout the house. There would be more except I put several on the front porch and told her they prefer the outdoors.

She cracks me up! She has quite an imagination as is evident in her personal style! I love to let her dress herself because it is so fun to see what she will pull together. Thankfully, most days it's just the two of us inside, but even if we do go out... I don't care.....I love that she feels great wearing a tutu and rain boots!

May she always go against the grain!

Marley has tried several activities and so far gymnastics is her favorite! She is learning to master the cart wheel. She is having a great time and thankfully isn't afraid of not being perfect. One of my major issues with parenting Marley has been to help her realize that sometimes you just have to keep on trying and it's okay to not get it right the first go round! She can be hard on herself and I love that she looks to me to reassure her. She knows I will be her advocate and her biggest fan. I will never let her doubt that she is fabulous as long as she does her best!

Sweeter to Me

"They are lovely! But Beth's roses are sweeter to me," said Mrs. March, smelling the half-dead posy in her belt. (Little Women)

Today is Mother's Day!

Marley was so excited to give me a card and poem w/ her hand print that she made at school. She is a rock when it comes to surprises! When I picked her up from school on Friday her friend started to show me what they had made and Marley kept telling her not to show me. Later that night she was asking me strange questions as to whether I needed to get in her closet to choose her clothes the next day?? She was acting suspicious and I realized it was because she had hidden the gifts in her closet! She loves to give and is such an amazingly thoughtful girl. Ella colored a picture for me after she heard Marley talking about her gifts!! (So funny that she picked up on the fact she should have a gift for me too!) I also received a geranium from the girls (they were giving them away free at the hardware store) but you would have thought it was the most exquisite flower ever!

That flower and those handmade gifts are sweeter to me than anything I could have received! The unabashed excitement is so precious! I hope they know that all I ever need from them is a construction paper drawing or a hand print on a piece of paper as long as it is given with the love that these gifts were given today!

Buds Will Be Roses

One of my three favorite books is Little Women.

On the inside cover of my copy has a list of my favorite quotes from the book. The words are beautiful and inspirational to me and I love when I find one that pertains to my life....even if only loosely.

The book in a nutshell is about the journey from childhood into adulthood. In one coversation Jo is talking about how growing up is inevitable. She says, "I wish wearing flat-irons on our heads would keep us from growing up. But buds will be roses, and kittens, cats, - more's the pity!"

For me this blog will be a way to put into words my thoughts about my girls. Since I can't make them wear flat-irons on their heads I need to find a way to etch in my memory every little thing about them. I want to remember every funny thing they said, every cute expression on their faces and everything they love to do.

All too soon my buds will be roses and this is my way to remember having watched them bloom!